My Blog: One year on


The time has come. I didn't know whether I'd get here or not, but here I am!

One year ago, pretty much to the day, I had no idea what my future looked like. 2018 was a pretty bleak year for me, job, relationship and everything-wise, but 2019 felt like a breath of fresh air. In late December 2018 I was offered my current job as stylist and accepted it to start very early January, and everything seemed to be coming up rosy. I was finally making my way in the world!

And, I had an idea. A simple one, to put my thoughts and opinions into the world- not just on fashion, but on books, cooking, skincare, mental health and so much more. I didn't want to limit myself to one genre, which some people would see as a hinderance.

I made myself a New Years Resolution to create a blog about me and my thoughts. My day to day life, my love of fashion and more. I wanted to inspire others! I saw a gap in the market online and on insta; there were millions of size 6 clones promoting clothing and styling, and quite a few beautiful plus sized ladies too. But, what seemed to be lacking, was the average sized lady. Someone like me, a size 12-16 woman with real curves, real chub rub, real lumps and bumps. A body that told a story. And that someone would show you how to wear amazing clothes that suited an amazing body. But, that someone wasn't there.

My blog book.

Don't get me wrong, there are a few women out there doing just that, and I'm so proud of all of them for their bravery (some wouldn't call it that, but I would- no matter how small time you are, putting yourself out there into the world is really scary!) but there was no one that was really... me.

So, I bought my blog domain and set up a Wix account in January. I bought a notebook and started writing ideas out. I created the official email account, and set up the insta. Then, I did nothing. For months.

Why? I procrastinated like hell. I don't even know why, to be honest. I think I was scared. Of the workload for one thing. Yes, I do love it and I do it entirely for myself, but there's always something you could do. It's hard to switch off. Always a photoshoot to take up a chunk of the weekend, an insta post to write. A blog post to edit, a website alignment that needs to be changed. I love it so much, but once you start, the ball never stops rolling.

I also think I was scared of putting myself out there- what would people say, what would people think? Was I just an attention-grabber or was I a gift-grabber? I know I'm neither, but it's hard to curate peoples opinions towards you online.

I was also scared of judgement. What would people think of my hair? My body? My face? Am I pretty enough? Too pretty? Too confident? Not confident enough? Let me tell you now, starting this blog and putting photos of myself out there for the world to see was the MOST empowering thing I ever did. It really does boost your confidence, and gives a big 'f u' to all the people who judge negatively.

My first IG post is also a pic of me taken earlier that fateful day in March, pre-text.

So, March. I have a team building day on Oxford Street with my the other members of my team at work, shopping and drinking cocktails (analysing the latest trends, as it's otherwise known) and I decide to get the bus home. Then I get a text which ruined me, but set me up for what I see as my proudest achievement.

I won't go into details, but it was so heartbreaking- I burst into tears on the bus. It was a goodbye, badly done, from someone who I thought I would marry. Years of my life were wasted, I realised in that second on the 94 bus passing Hyde Park. I can talk about it now, 1 year on, with P by my side (who is way more loving and supportive than any past relationship) but at the time I was ruined.

And I decided to turn that pain into something good. Something for me. I remember thinking something along the lines of 'I don't need anyone, this is for me' and it's so true. This blog is me.

I got home and cried a bit more (see pics on the right for some super sexy shots of me post breakdown) and then sat at my desk and begun to type. And what did I type? Well, my very first blog post that I published later. I created my first, basic version of my blog using my ZERO experience of web developing and it was awful. For some reason there were 10 different fonts on every page and links didn't work. But, it was mine. My baby.

Connecting for the first time!

So I got into the habit of writing about anything that interested me really- my first blog posts were very general, not very specific forays into subjects as I tried to understand myself and my unique voice. Now, a year on, I can see how much better I know myself which is one of the things I am so happy to have learnt. In my voice, I am so much more comfortable and confident- not just written but talking too. In my style, I express myself a lot better and generally think I'm quite stylish, too.

It's taught me so much about life, style, skincare and more and has led to to meet so many great people and try so many new things. From a fantastic eye serum to the Design Fest, it really is a fantastic way to squeeze more out of London and life, really.

So, where do I see myself going? Lots more posts, hopefully! I want to travel a bit in the year as well, as I really don't do that enough. Maybe some travel related posts? I want to collaborate with some like-minded, empowering brands too and attend more events- be it concerts or classes. Also, in two weeks time I'm moving house! So there's going to be a flurry of interior posts. All I know is I'm not stopping anytime soon.

Attending the Design Fest 19

If I could talk to myself a year ago, I'd say girl you're too good for him. Manage your money better and love your friends. Soak up the sun, drink water and just enjoy life. Throw yourself into this head first and let's see where you end up, because it's going to be a fun ride.

Don't be scared, there's more to life out there than you could possibly have imagined. It's therapeutic, rewarding thing I've ever done and I am so grateful that my awful ex sent me that awful text on the bus home. It gave me the kick up the arse I needed, and I am so happy with where I am today and where I'm going.

Me now. Happy, healthy, fulfilled.

C x

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© 2019 Ciara Loane

Created by Ciara Loane.

London-based writer and stylist.

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